Sleeper

So last night four of us went to see the ballet 'Sleeping Beauty' choreographed by Matthew Bourne. 

Before the show I remarked that the last time I'd seen a production of 'Sleeping Beauty' had been at the Birmingham Theatre in January 1967. That had been slightly different as it was the panto version starring Morecambe and Wise.  

During the interval, after an action-packed and amazing first half (never thought I'd say that about a ballet), we were discussing the performance and I said, "It's brilliant but not quite as good as the Morecambe and Wise version." 

Sleeping Beauty panto programme

Everyone fell about. Not because of my witty remark but because a woman standing next to me had given me a look of pure scorn. 

No doubt, even now she's telling all her acquaintances, "There was this truly wondrous ballet, a work of pure genius, with Tchaikovsky's marvellous music - and this moron next to me was comparing it unfavourably to Morecambe and Wise."

On the very slim chance that she's reading this: it was a joke. J-O-K-E. Joke.

Special offers

"Mysterious" black watches

Just ordered a handy reading tray on the phone and qualified for a free set of 2 "mysterious" black watches, whatever they are. 

I turned down the special offer of a torch/radio despite the protests of very nice Asian salesman Derek who said, "But, sir, not only will you be able to see where you're going in the dark, you'll also be able to listen to your favourite radio station." 

Who among us, hasn't dreamed of doing that?

I should Coco

I think it was Chic Murray who said "We never had a chimney in our house. We used to have to carry the smoke out in buckets." Salvador Dali used to tell that one when he was at posh cocktail parties, usually dressed as a lobster. 

Cezanne captures the south of France

There's been a lovely series on BBC4 about how the Impressionists discovered the south of France when it was all little fishing villages and tourist-free. Then Picasso got in on the act and the next thing you know Coco Chanel is making tans fashionable among the chic thrill-seekers such as legendary photographer F Stop Fitzgerald. 

Narrated by Richard E. (for Ernie) Grant, the programme made me long for sunnier climes. 'Death in Paradise' does the same but that also makes me long for that beautiful actress who plays the sexy foil to Ben Miller's stuffy, suit-clad DI. 

You can't always get sexy foils any more. We used to lead the world in manufacturing them but alas all the factories have been pulled down to make way for cut price hypermarkets and tanning salons. I blame Coco Chanel, who should not be confused with Coco the Clown, even in an emergency. This has been a public service broadcast.

Coco the Clown

Coco Chanel